DIALOGUE IN LAYERS by Therese Stenzel

Dialogue for a beginning write can be a hard thing to master. Once you learn how to write it, you need to learn how not to write it. Here are two scenes that convey anger. One relies on solely on dialogue, the other takes a more layered approach. See which if the following scenarios best captures the emotion of the event.

“I can’t understand why you are quitting the varsity cheerleading team.” Sandi set her hands on her hips. “If I had been given the chance to join this state’s highest achieving high school cheerleaders, I would have, never, I mean never ever quit. Mark my words, this event will haunt you of the rest of your life and when you are a mother one day, you will bitterly regret it.”

“All I meant was that my studies require more attention. And Tim didn’t like me not being around to go out.” Carrie trudged out of the room.

OR

“You what?” Sandra threw down her daughter’s pom poms. Her rigid body, ready to defend what she held sacred. “You quit the team?” Her scarlet face radiated with that crushing disappointment reserved for strict mothers and manipulative boyfriends. “You will regret this.”

“I have my reasons. “ Carrie uttered under her breath and hastened from the room, carrying a secret greater than herself.

By using dialogue solely to convey information, you are limiting the experience of your readers. Dialogue cannot completely capture the emotion of a scene. It is the body language, the tone, what is not being said, why your character holds their shoulders a certain way, that communicates so much more than words.

“Now that you’ve found Beth at in the accounting department at work, I guess, just like my first husband, Jay, you no longer love me.” Katrina said.

OR

“You don’t love me.” Katrina lifted her chin, but her trembling lips betrayed her weariness at life.

Informative dialogue is often used to fill in back-story, to “tell” as opposed to “show.” A writer can sometimes fall in to the trap of using dialogue for his/her purposes instead of allowing it to naturally flow out of your character’s needs. 

“Now see here, you’re responsible for breaking my expensive stained glass window and you will pay for it by mowing every blade of grass on my ten acre property,” Mr. Fibbert said.

OR

“You will pay.” Mr. Fibbert’s gaze sliced through me like the grim reaper's sickle. By the cruel twist of his lips, I knew I’d have to pay him back for the broken stain glass window with a summer’s fill of grass mowing.Instead of thinking of dialogue as one dimensional, think about it in four layers.

1. Words.

2. Manner of speech.

3. Body language.

4. Emotional reaction to what’s being said.

By layering your dialogue, you will better convey the emotion of a scene, and pull the reader into their head to truly experience your character’s feelings.