DEEPER POV LIST by Therese Stenzel

You and a friend are watching a movie, but instead of allowing your friend to see the scenes, you are telling her what’s happening. “I see a girl with red shoes. She’s tapping them together. Now I sense she wants to go home. I hear her repeating, “there’s no place like home.”In the same way, you are standing in the way of your reader experiencing your story when you use the following words for your POV character.

She wondered if he cared for her—better—Did he care for her?

She realized the snow was falling—better—The snow was falling.

She could feel the cold wind blow on her face—better—The cold wind blew on her face.

She could hear the drone of his voice—better—The drone of his voice.

She could sense her friend’s desperation—better—Her friend was desperate.

She could see the multi-colored sunset—better—The sunset was multicolored.

She knew he loved her—better—He love her.

She heard the birds singing outside—better—The birds sang outside

She noticed Henry left his scarf behind—better—Henry left his scarf behind.

She saw the little girl fall—better—The little girl fell.

She felt the bitter pang of disappointment—better—The bitter pang of disappointment hurt her.

She smelled the bacon and eggs—better—The tangy smell of bacon and eggs filled the kitchen.

She sensed the tension in the room—better—There was tension in the room.

She learned that he’d left yesterday—better—He left yesterday.

She tasted the hot coffee —better—The taste of hot coffee filled her mouth.

She thought he might want to leave—better—He wants to leave.

She worried about her children getting sick—better—Would her children get sick?

She watched as he closed the door—better—He closed the door,

She admired the way he handled the crisis—better—He did a great job with the crisis.

She allowed him to pass—better—He passed her.

She observed the sun setting—better—The sun set.

She let the keys drop from her hands—better—The keys dropped from her hands.